(we’re watching L&O: SVU from the beginning):
Benson: can you think of a reason he would have sodamized your husban with a banana?
Me (looking up from my homework): Did she just say Banana?
TM: Yes… Honey, tha’ts not something we’ll ever be using.
Me: Too curvy?
TM: To big
[pause]
TM: Too … Fruit?!

So, the list of things we’ll never be using in our sex life includes fire, electricity, the bamboo cooking implements that live in the kitchen (I was informed they have been designated for cooking, not spanking), penguins, dinosaurs, and now apparently fruit.

It’s starting to feel like something I’ve been hoping for may actually come true. I’ve been looking for a way to move to be with The Midget, but didn’t want to do it without a job lined up, and the possibility of working remotely in my current position is a very unlikely one.

I’ve applied for a number of positions there in related fields to the one I’m in now, but despite two interviews nothing has come through. Two weeks ago I stumbled on a position for a company I’m familiar with and who has a strong program in my field. Last weekend, when I finally finished my coursework for the semester I tried pulling up the job posting again to take a closer look. Horror of horrors, the link was no longer valid. Fearing they had possibly closed the post, I contacted an employee of a consultant they use and asked her to ask the internal contact about it (yes, it’s convoluted, but it all boils down to the internal contact not following me on Twitter yet and I not having her e-mail address). To make what’s turning into a really dull story short, I got in touch with the internal contact who said she’d follow up and find out why the link was broken. A couple hours later I got an e-mail from the HR recruiter asking me for a resume. The next day the recruiter called and said I’d be getting a call from the placement agency. That night I had to figure out how much money I wanted to ask for (as an aside, I hate that, I have no idea what I’m worth, I just do my thing and take in money for it). Apparently it was acceptable though, since the agency put me in. I got a call Wednesday evening from the internal recruiter telling me to expect a call from the hiring manager to schedule an interview. She basically said that unless I blow the phone interview the gig is mine.

It’s not a done deal, I have a couple questions about the future of the position (it’s currently being offered as a twelve month contract), but I’ve got a prospect with another consulting firm who needed me to be away from my current employer for a while before they could hire me, so I have options if this doesn’t go longer. The best part about the potential gig is that it’s 100 percent remote so I can move home.

I’m really hoping this comes through. I miss TM fiercely. I hate not holding her in my arms every night. I hate not waking up in hers. I don’t like it when my best friend is sick and I’m too far away to do anything. I don’t like that she’s anticipating a double plus unfun Christmas because he family and stepmom are all borderline crazy and I can’t hug her. I really just can’t wait to be home.

Here’s hoping I don’t blow the interview .

They lived several places during my growing-taller years. There was the house with the pool and the house-wide intercom that this time of year piped the horrendously lame all-Christmas combination musak/easy listening station, the condo where they moved when they decided a five bedroom house with a crapton of land was too big, and the fairly large 4 bedroom ranch with the walk-out basement they bought when they realized they still wanted to be home base for the family and needed more space to house the people that had begun to spread out and move from the hometown. A couple of years ago they succumbed to the inevitable and, because the weather was deemed to be more healthful for one of them, moved to Florida.

In a little more than twelve hours I will be boarding a plane to spend a few days with most of that side of the family. I’ll be glad to see them, but it’s going to be strange in a lot of ways too. it’s a new place I’ve actually never been to, it’s going to be a Christmas without anything resembling winter (that’s just trippy), and I don’t get to see the Midget until the 28th. There’s been a lot going on in my family this year, and it will be good to regroup for a day or two and catch up, but almost everyone is leaving Monday. I kind of wish I had a better idea of people’s lans before I booked my flights, but oh well.

I’m sad I won’t be seeing TM on Christmas. She’s not really looking forward to the time with her “family” and I’m not thrilled about the idea of a holiday without her ether. She’s right, I made the choice to go to Florida, but in some ways I didn’t feel like I really had much of one. With all that’s going on, I felt I needed to be there and at least show my support and get theirs. I didn’t invite her because I got the impression that she wouldn’t have come yet, and I get that (I just want it to be different). I imagine things will be different next year, and we’ll be together.

I am looking forward to the time with the family, it’s been a year since I’ve seen most of them because we all are fairly spread out now and I don’t go back just for grins, it just feels like it’s going to be a different Christmas than usual. In a lot of ways, it really doesn’t feel like Christmas used to, but I imagine that’s a lot of what comes with growing up.

I have to once again give props to the Tom Bihn Aeronaut. This is a freaking fantastic carry-on bag. Using the rolling method and two packing cubes I packed for 10 days (I’ll end up doing laundry because it’s half Tiger’s and half Rachel’s stuff, and I’ll need parts of Tiger’s wardrobe back at some point). I also got two pairs of shoes (only taking one, but I wanted to see if two would fit) and a toiletry bag in there.

End nonpaid advertisement.

Luke Ski has done three versions of his “It’s a Fanboy Christmas”. These are medlys of christmas songs about things like Firefly, Star Trek, Santa (to the tune of Bad Horse), Packman, and much more.

Part 1 (2000)

Part IIa (2007)

Part IIb (2007)

Part III can be played at the FUnny Music Project.

What collection of my favorite geek ditties would be complete without Jonathan Coulton? Chiron Beta Prime tells us the story of Christmas… in a world ruled by the Robot Counsil. Cuz, who wouldn’t want to live there?

Got a favorite geeky, novelty or “different” holiday song? Tell me about it in the comments.

This has been floating around for a while. A friend used to play this in school with the TV remote. Got some pretty funny results that way too. Here goes.

Instructions: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Read the questions, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. NO CHEATING.

How does the world see you?

Do You Hear What I Hear? Kristin chenoweth

Will I have a happy life?

Cry A River. Amy Grant

What do my friends really think of me?

She Likes It Too. Alan Jackson

What do people secretly think of me?

That Summer. Garth Brooks

How can I be happy?

The Final Countdown. On the Rocks

What should I do with my life?

Tonight. Sara Evans

Will I ever have children?

Carrot Juice Is Murder. The Arrogant Worms

What is some good advice for me?

The Angels cried. Alan jackson

How will I be remembered?

Silver Bells. Kristin chenoweth

What is my signature dancing song?

Tim McGraw. Taylor Swift

What do I think my current theme song is?

Dance, Seterious Johnson. Jonathan Coulton

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?

Falling In Love With You. Barry Manilow

What song will play at my funeral?

Catylac Ranch. Chris Ledu

What type of men/women do you like?

All for Love. Color Me Bad

What is my day going to be like?

As If We Never Said Goodbye. Glee Cast Really iPhone? Over 5,000 songs and some of these are what you came up with? For shame.

ended up getting a sweater for me. A black dress with gold horizontal stripes, a purple top, black suade boots, and black pumps for Rachel. Was a good trip.

Glad we din’t spend too much time at the Apple store though. That place was an absolute zoo. Also, if anyone can tell me why on earth stores already have spring stuff out, considering winter has barely started, I would be much obliged.

This wraps up my second year of doing school part time, taking two classes each semester. This way, with Spring, summer, and fall terms, I am getting in six courses a year. I started with 37 credits that transferred from my first attempt at college and I’m now just over 60. At this rate, I’ve got about three more years to go and I’ll have that little piece of paper that says I know things. Apparently people like that.

While there are times I wonder if this would have been easier the first time around, had I not failed out spectacularly, I know for a fact I’m a more dedicated student. My grades are certainly better. I’ve learned a thing or two along the way too, which is, I suppose, the point of the thing.

The important thing is, I’M DONE!! For a couple weeks anyway.

Follow up to the post on search engine terms. The Midget and I were discussing the fact that poor Elizabeth has a lot of people wanting to spank her. I wondered how many times variants of that appeared if I pulled the entire search history for the blog. I did, and it was over 25, but here’s the more important thing: we found the creepiest, to us, search engine term ever:

“what are some kinky things i can do to my older sister at home?” This appeared, not once, not twice, but three times. I’m hoping it was the same person. Look, I’m all for you having your own kinks and whatever, but SQUICK. i’m also hoping someone severely misunderstands the definition of the word kink.

This evening was my organization’s annual holiday gathering. Of course the idea is that you’ll relax and enjoy a little downtime with the people you work with, and in some cases consider friends, and mostly that’s what happens. However, a few things stand out:

• The director of HR tending bar makes you feel like you’re being judged on alcohol consumption.
• Being told it’s time to clean up so you can get back to the eating and drinking makes you wonder if the Executive Director in question is off his rocker.
• The Big Boss gets rather animated when he lets his hair down. It’s kind of fun to watch.
• there will be leftovers for a week.

All in all it was a fun evening, but I’m blowing off the party tomorrow for the members, cuz that’s just too crowded.

• there have been 133 visits (this one only counts Dec 1-15)
• 47 people came from search engines
• 20 people came from Mija’s blog
• 20 people came from Twitter
• 7 people got here from Serenity’s
• 2 from Em
• 1 from Lunargirl

Of the people finding this blog from search engines, here is a sampling of terms:

Some variation on elizabeth getting a spanking (13)

Wow, it must have been an unlucky month to be a woman named Elizabeth (or as one searcher put it, “Elizabrth”). Or, possibly looking at it another way, if your name is Elizabeth, there are many people willing to spank you.

People wanting to be spanked by someone name Elizabeth (2)

There you go lady spankers.

“i am going to spank my girlfriend and make her stand in the corner”

Right on. Just remember, safe sane and concentual.

“i sassed and he spanked”

Seems like the thing to do.

perfect Spanking (3)

I hope youfind yours. mmm.

“please raise my skirt and spank me”

Me too, please?

“panties around knees”

Right where they belong.

“she made me blow a nut during i woke up”

I… I don’t understand.

“crossdressing we went parking and i lost my panties”

Again, insert confused face. You lost them while you were driving? Because, I’m not following how you could lose them while parked. Unless… you know, no, I’m not going there.

I was in my office with The Midget and our friend S. Someone was giving a tour to a transgendered teen (don’t ask me why she identified herself as such). Then, inexplicably, a bottle of pop exploded in S’s bag, shooting over my office like a fire hose.

That’s all I remember. Maybe this is why my brain pipes my dreams straight to /dev/null, they’re just too odd.