Author Archives: Crystal Lavender

Hacking Kink

Hacking Kink

back in the days of yore, the the internet was still in its toddler stage, when we didn’t have the world at our fingertips, devices in our pockets and purses with more computing power than the Apollo spacecraft, kink was nevertheless present on the burgeoning world wide web. I recall coming across a story by Dark One called Hired Help. It’s a fifty-one chapter piece about a woman hired by a man with seemingly endless financial resources, a passion for latex outfits, corsets, and high heels, and an endless creativity for diabolical bondage devices. The original site doesn’t have the file anymore, so you get the copy.

In the story, the relationship between the two main characters, Richard and Jennifer, progresses from that of employer/employee to that of married partners (with a distinctive D/s twist). This work isn’t necessarily a masterpiece of fiction, nor is it as cringe worthy as a certain work that’s been all the rage, or depending on who you are causing said rage lately. It was one of the first long stories I read that intrigued me because it involved BDSM without some of the elements of degradation that seemed quite present in some of the pieces I came across. As I recall the story, their was genuine love in their relationship. The actual story, however, isn’t really the point of this post.

In the story Richard has his company create some electronic devices that are used to sexually stimulate, tease, and train endurance. As an example, Jennifer’s alarm clock consists of a control box in the headboard of her bed. A cable plugs into her chastity belt, and her wrist cuffs plug into the control unit. Once all pieces are connected, vibrators in her chastity belt stimulate her for a certain amount of time, and she is stimulated periodically throughout the night, and finally stimulated before the wake up time when her cuffs are released from the headboard automatically. Her wake-up time, and a minimum amount of time she must be stimulated are pre-programmed for her, but she has the ability to set the initial period of stimulation, the number of times during the night she will be stimulated, how long those stimulation periods will last, and how many minutes before her wake-up time her vibrators will be engaged. Richard, in another scene, has her encased in latex from neck to foot (a latex dress with hobble skirt, latex stockings, gloves and a corset), She is laid on a lounge chair, hands bound behind her. Another stimulation control box is connected to her chastity belt. The unit is programmed to stimulate her for fifty minutes. This time, she has a button that will stop the vibrations for ten minutes, but using it will add twenty minutes to the amount of time she spends in bondage. The setup is not only to entertain Richard, but also intended for her to learn endurance and how to handle repeated orgasms.

Younger me found these concepts completely hot. Who wouldn’t enjoy being bound to the bed, stimulated before sleep, teased during the night, and waking up like that? Oh, let’s be honest, older me still finds the idea hot. We’re disregarding whether this is practical, and the fact that the resulting sleep might not be considered restful for a moment.

The other night I was reading about Smart Things, a new hub for home control and automation. You can do a number of things with this hub (automate the lights and your heating/cooling system based on presence information or activation of motion, sensors, receive alerts if someone is in a certain area of your home, opens a certain door/drawer, get notified if moisture is detected, tie cloud based services into your home automation system, etc). The system also has the ability to interact with the Arduino family of micro controllers. Arduino is basically a platform for building electronic devices that you can design, assemble, and program without being an electrical engineer or computer scientist.

combining my recollection of Hired Help and my reading about the Arduino and home automation has got me wondering about hacking some of these types of devices together to bring kink fantasy into reality.

Yes, we’ve already got the Little Rooster, but that doesn’t have quite the same bondage aspect to it. Plus, who wouldn’t want to make the lights in the room flash every time your sub has an orgasm? Or build a vibrator that would engage for a certain amount of time if it sensed no moisture? Put your little in a timeout while you’re making dinner, concerned they won’t stay put? A motion sensor plus LED light bulbs and if your little moves, the lights go from normal to red and so does your little’s bottom. 😉 There’s also some fun possibilities for long-distance relationships and d/s play.

I also saw someone post a thing about wanting to make clothing that changes color with the music you’re listening to. Something I think you could also do with an Arduino. Set up enough LEDs on “the dress” and it doesn’t matter if you see it as blue/black or white/gold, it can be all of those things.

Maybe I’m crazy, but I think there’s an intersection of kink and home built toys you could have some fun with. So, I can program, who’s gonna help build the devices? 🙂 I love living in the future.

Not Me Monday #2

Not Me Monday #2

I need to start writing more. In order to give the muse the swat to the butt she needs, here’s another Not Me Monday post.

  • the little bastard gnome, also known as the Snooze Button Fairy, did not make a special stop at my bedside so he could entice me to sleep in with candy and puppies.
  • I did not let him win for an extra half hour.
  • I did not have to resist the urge to edit the hell out of a poorly written form we were coding for an external piece of the organization.
  • I did not say no last night when asked to do something last minute that would have meant messing up plans with friends. (to something I should have been asked to do weeks ago)
  • I did not have to politely assert myself and gently remind my former boss that I don’t work for her
  • this did not happen in the form of a passive aggressive insistence on meeting at the time originally agreed upon instead of when she randomly decided she was ready.
  • I do not want to be tied up.
  • I definitely do not want a spanking.
  • I did not eat one more crab rangoon than I probably should have.
  • I did not accidentally find out I was invited to a work dinner Thursday night and don’t have to change my consult with the laser zapping place to go.
  • I am in no way looking forward to it, because expensive food is doubly horrible and in no way more delicious when someone else is paying for it.

I Turn 2 Today (sort of)

I Turn 2 Today (sort of)

(no, this is not an ageplay post about my little, she’s a teen not a toddler :).)

Two years ago, in an IM conversation with The Midget at some super late hour, I began the process of emerging from my self-constructed shell of lies and semi-false personality. That first step, as it always is, was the beginning of my 1100 and change mile journey to where I am now. I have experienced a lot in that time: the break up of a marriage founded on a lot of me not being honest with myself, let alone Her. Talking to a therapist who told me I wasn’t crazy. Living with my crazyawesome friends for what was supposed to be two months that turned into four and a half. Quitting a pretty stable job for an unknown contractor gig that promised challenges and exposure to something new. Moving from the east coast back to the “Heartland” to be closer to The Midget, and save money, and leaving a ton of my belongings along the way because the pod wasn’t big enough. Slowly growing more comfortable with myself, realizing how unhappy I used to be, and having friends notice that I seemed like an entirely different person. Living on the floor of my apartment because I didn’t get around to putting the futon frame together until July. Buying nice “adult” furniture (the kind that didn’t come from Ikea and that I didn’t have to put together). Discovering that I actually do like children and small dogs. Getting and giving more spankings than ever; and still wanting more. reafirming my beliefs that there are not enough hours in the day, daylight savings time sucks, chocolate peanut butter pie is nothing short of awesomesauce, true friends are worth eleventy infinities their weight in gold, Aaron sorkin still writes killer television (even when it’s heavy with the Sorkinizing [Sorkin’s sermonizing on why he’s smarter than everyone else]), I feel better when I don’t eat like crap, I no longer hate pasta, and wearing the “I am who I am, your approval is not needed” t-shirt doesn’t always mean telling the opinionated asshats to piss off is as easy as your heart says it should be. Continuing to love and be loved by the Midget. Having great friends both online and in real life. slowly discovering that Wonderboss was a loon and I’m better off without her, even though it feels like I’m reinventing the wheel because of the institutional knowledge I don’t have. Contract gig going full-time. Losing more weight (sadly in my ass). Finally caving and purchasing a Mac. Reminding myself, and showing The Midget, that trains are the bestest mode of travel. Starting GMM’s Song of ice and Fire series, and realizing they are good but loooooong books. There are probably many more things too, but I’ve list-rambled long enough.

I’ve also realized that my transgenderedness has become a little more prominant than I ever thought it would be. I’m not presenting in public yet, but I smile every time someone calls me miss, and feel a little drop when they correct themselves. I frequently think I would like to present as a woman, because that’s mostly how I see myself. It’s interesting that it used to feel like “she” was another part of me, but more and more I acknowledge that I’m her and there isn’t a boy half and a girl half; in my head I see myself as a girl, I’m a girl in my fantasies, in my head instead of wearing the suit and tie to meetings I’m wearing a skirt and heels. Do I want to do anything about it? shrug I’m not sure. The reasons I’m not sure are a whole post in itself, so I’ll save the material to give myself something to write about. It hasn’t been a lightning moment, it’s just been a gradual realization that I see myself differently in my head than my body presents as. Makes for interesting self-examination.

There are times I examine my life-progress and wonder if I should have done things differently. should I have explored my transgender identity sooner? Should I have done college differently? Should I have not gotten married? The answer is always, “I don’t know.” The experiences have shaped me. I’ve learned lessons, taught others, and discovered things along the way that have brought me to where I am. Kill a butterfly a million years ago, you might end up never being born. It’s all academic anyway. What I know is I’m truely happy. Even through the rough spots it’s been two great years. I’m planning on many more to come too.

Now, because they’re still stuck in my head after being introduced to their stuff this past week, I am going to go listen to more Garfunkel and Oates 😀

Too Fruit

Too Fruit

I’ll be back with real blog posts like my cross-country move, settling into life actually living in the same place as The Midget, and why actually sharing that Open Letter to My Mom with her went as well as I knew it would, but first this gem of a conversation.

(we’re watching L&O: SVU from the beginning):
Benson: can you think of a reason he would have sodamized your husban with a banana?
Me (looking up from my homework): Did she just say Banana?
TM: Yes… Honey, tha’ts not something we’ll ever be using.
Me: Too curvy?
TM: To big
TM: Too … Fruit?!

So, the list of things we’ll never be using in our sex life includes fire, electricity, the bamboo cooking implements that live in the kitchen (I was informed they have been designated for cooking, not spanking), penguins, dinosaurs, and now apparently fruit. 🙂

#Adventblog Post 20: Headhunted

#Adventblog Post 20: Headhunted

Yes, the title evokes images of Lord of the Flies for me too.

It’s starting to feel like something I’ve been hoping for may actually come true. I’ve been looking for a way to move to be with The Midget, but didn’t want to do it without a job lined up, and the possibility of working remotely in my current position is a very unlikely one.

I’ve applied for a number of positions there in related fields to the one I’m in now, but despite two interviews nothing has come through. Two weeks ago I stumbled on a position for a company I’m familiar with and who has a strong program in my field. Last weekend, when I finally finished my coursework for the semester I tried pulling up the job posting again to take a closer look. Horror of horrors, the link was no longer valid. Fearing they had possibly closed the post, I contacted an employee of a consultant they use and asked her to ask the internal contact about it (yes, it’s convoluted, but it all boils down to the internal contact not following me on Twitter yet and I not having her e-mail address). To make what’s turning into a really dull story short, I got in touch with the internal contact who said she’d follow up and find out why the link was broken. A couple hours later I got an e-mail from the HR recruiter asking me for a resume. The next day the recruiter called and said I’d be getting a call from the placement agency. That night I had to figure out how much money I wanted to ask for (as an aside, I hate that, I have no idea what I’m worth, I just do my thing and take in money for it). Apparently it was acceptable though, since the agency put me in. I got a call Wednesday evening from the internal recruiter telling me to expect a call from the hiring manager to schedule an interview. She basically said that unless I blow the phone interview the gig is mine.

It’s not a done deal, I have a couple questions about the future of the position (it’s currently being offered as a twelve month contract), but I’ve got a prospect with another consulting firm who needed me to be away from my current employer for a while before they could hire me, so I have options if this doesn’t go longer. The best part about the potential gig is that it’s 100 percent remote so I can move home.

I’m really hoping this comes through. I miss TM fiercely. I hate not holding her in my arms every night. I hate not waking up in hers. I don’t like it when my best friend is sick and I’m too far away to do anything. I don’t like that she’s anticipating a double plus unfun Christmas because he family and stepmom are all borderline crazy and I can’t hug her. I really just can’t wait to be home.

Here’s hoping I don’t blow the interview :).

#AdventBlog Post 19: Gathering Place

#AdventBlog Post 19: Gathering Place

About eight years ago my Grandma decided that her house, in the tradition of all “fine houses” or some such (she says this is one thing she learned during the four years they spent in England), should have a name. It was around Christmas time, and most of the family was there for Christmas. That year, she dubbed their home “Gathering Place”. It was an apt moniker since it seemed to be where the family converged at different points throughout the year, namely the end of year holidays.

They lived several places during my growing-taller years. There was the house with the pool and the house-wide intercom that this time of year piped the horrendously lame all-Christmas combination musak/easy listening station, the condo where they moved when they decided a five bedroom house with a crapton of land was too big, and the fairly large 4 bedroom ranch with the walk-out basement they bought when they realized they still wanted to be home base for the family and needed more space to house the people that had begun to spread out and move from the hometown. A couple of years ago they succumbed to the inevitable and, because the weather was deemed to be more healthful for one of them, moved to Florida.

In a little more than twelve hours I will be boarding a plane to spend a few days with most of that side of the family. I’ll be glad to see them, but it’s going to be strange in a lot of ways too. it’s a new place I’ve actually never been to, it’s going to be a Christmas without anything resembling winter (that’s just trippy), and I don’t get to see the Midget until the 28th. There’s been a lot going on in my family this year, and it will be good to regroup for a day or two and catch up, but almost everyone is leaving Monday. I kind of wish I had a better idea of people’s lans before I booked my flights, but oh well.

I’m sad I won’t be seeing TM on Christmas. She’s not really looking forward to the time with her “family” and I’m not thrilled about the idea of a holiday without her ether. She’s right, I made the choice to go to Florida, but in some ways I didn’t feel like I really had much of one. With all that’s going on, I felt I needed to be there and at least show my support and get theirs. I didn’t invite her because I got the impression that she wouldn’t have come yet, and I get that (I just want it to be different). I imagine things will be different next year, and we’ll be together.

I am looking forward to the time with the family, it’s been a year since I’ve seen most of them because we all are fairly spread out now and I don’t go back just for grins, it just feels like it’s going to be a different Christmas than usual. In a lot of ways, it really doesn’t feel like Christmas used to, but I imagine that’s a lot of what comes with growing up.

I have to once again give props to the Tom Bihn Aeronaut. This is a freaking fantastic carry-on bag. Using the rolling method and two packing cubes I packed for 10 days (I’ll end up doing laundry because it’s half Tiger’s and half Rachel’s stuff, and I’ll need parts of Tiger’s wardrobe back at some point). I also got two pairs of shoes (only taking one, but I wanted to see if two would fit) and a toiletry bag in there.

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#Adventblog Post 17: All-Knowing iPod Meme

#Adventblog Post 17: All-Knowing iPod Meme

Cuz when you’re: a) behind on posts; and b) not sure what to write about, what’s better than a meme to help you out?

This has been floating around for a while. A friend used to play this in school with the TV remote. Got some pretty funny results that way too. Here goes.

Instructions: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Read the questions, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. NO CHEATING.

How does the world see you?
Do You Hear What I Hear? Kristin chenoweth
Will I have a happy life?
Cry A River. Amy Grant
What do my friends really think of me?
She Likes It Too. Alan Jackson
What do people secretly think of me?
That Summer. Garth Brooks
How can I be happy?
The Final Countdown. On the Rocks
What should I do with my life?
Tonight. Sara Evans
Will I ever have children?
Carrot Juice Is Murder. The Arrogant Worms
What is some good advice for me?
The Angels cried. Alan jackson
How will I be remembered?
Silver Bells. Kristin chenoweth
What is my signature dancing song?
Tim McGraw. Taylor Swift
What do I think my current theme song is?
Dance, Seterious Johnson. Jonathan Coulton
What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Falling In Love With You. Barry Manilow
What song will play at my funeral?
Catylac Ranch. Chris Ledu
What type of men/women do you like?
All for Love. Color Me Bad
What is my day going to be like?
As If We Never Said Goodbye. Glee Cast Really iPhone? Over 5,000 songs and some of these are what you came up with? For shame.

#Adventblog Post 16: Shopping, Shopping, hsopping

#Adventblog Post 16: Shopping, Shopping, hsopping

Holy crap, y’all. I just spent 7 hours shopping. Went with a friend from work and ended up getting a few things I’d been wanting. she was shopping for her boyfriend and a few other people, but we mostly browsed. It was fun,but I’m tired. 🙂

ended up getting a sweater for me. A black dress with gold horizontal stripes, a purple top, black suade boots, and black pumps for Rachel. Was a good trip.

Glad we din’t spend too much time at the Apple store though. That place was an absolute zoo. Also, if anyone can tell me why on earth stores already have spring stuff out, considering winter has barely started, I would be much obliged.

#Adventblog Post 15: I’m Done!

#Adventblog Post 15: I’m Done!

I just submitted my final project of the semester for my C# class. Happy me!

This wraps up my second year of doing school part time, taking two classes each semester. This way, with Spring, summer, and fall terms, I am getting in six courses a year. I started with 37 credits that transferred from my first attempt at college and I’m now just over 60. At this rate, I’ve got about three more years to go and I’ll have that little piece of paper that says I know things. Apparently people like that. 🙂

While there are times I wonder if this would have been easier the first time around, had I not failed out spectacularly, I know for a fact I’m a more dedicated student. My grades are certainly better. I’ve learned a thing or two along the way too, which is, I suppose, the point of the thing.

The important thing is, I’M DONE!! For a couple weeks anyway.

Follow up to the post on search engine terms. The Midget and I were discussing the fact that poor Elizabeth has a lot of people wanting to spank her. I wondered how many times variants of that appeared if I pulled the entire search history for the blog. I did, and it was over 25, but here’s the more important thing: we found the creepiest, to us, search engine term ever:

“what are some kinky things i can do to my older sister at home?” This appeared, not once, not twice, but three times. I’m hoping it was the same person. Look, I’m all for you having your own kinks and whatever, but SQUICK. i’m also hoping someone severely misunderstands the definition of the word kink.